Monday, September 17, 2012

4-Up: Super Castlevania IV

TestZero, Isaac232, Ozzie Arcane, and Johnny Chase race through their first Super NES Game, the Konami death trap Super Castlevania IV. Who will finish first? And who gon' shank a bitch?


  1. Part 1:

    2 hours. This better be good.

    This game is long and hard. Giggity.

    Your name is ______

    Vampire Killer. Always a good tune.

    No achievement for killing more than one enemy with the cross?

    Is Johnny doing the thriller in his static image? Ozzie sans 'stache in his?

    Ozzie's axing you a question.

    That's not saying much, Zero.

    Would TestZero like something to calm his nerves? He's a rage machine on bosses.

    Glitchy hedgehog?

    .............hey! Zero didn't give Ozzie the achievement for killing the first boss without taking damage.

    What? Oh.

    Never heard of Jim Power. Who's he?

    Everything tries to fuck you in Castlevania. It's like a bad teen coming-of age movie.

    I guess that achievement would be called "YOU FOOL!"

    People are trying to drop safes on TestZero. Funky.

    I'd love to see you guys do a 4up without practicing first. That'd be entertaining. What with all the cursing and all.

    Damn. TestZero's getting messed up.

    Man, Castlevania looks like a crappy place to live.

    Achievement Whore - Collect every achievement (even the ones for sucking).

    That should have been an achievement - take damage to get a health-up.

    Took you awhile to die for the first time, Oz. Nicely done.

    The axe probably would do well against those two dragons.

    Sky world?

    Tempt fate?

    How about Battletoads vs Double Dragon?

    Yay, Oz! You beat the dragons faster than the others.

    Yes, Oz, you're in last again.

    Wow, Johnny messed up bad.

    You beat the skull on the first try also, Oz. You're doing better than the're just taking longer.

    The Metal Gear Solid ring wins.

    The Vorpal Bunny?

    No "dead people" jokes, Oz.

    Ha! Blocks!

    The golem on the first try. Again, easier boss kill for Oz.

    RoboZero has long since replaced TestZero.

    If I weren't getting the outcomes in advance, I'd be cheering for you, Oz.

    Don't practice! It'll be funnier that way!


    Dracula's got all kind of goodies in his candles and walls. "No one would think to look there! ... again."

    Isn't Simon's whip leather or chain, depending?

    Chandelabras? Interesting word.

    No, no he wasn't. And his Egon haircut was freaking me out.

    A little out there, Oz.

    Kill the book!

    Johnny needs to Chase you guys a little faster.

  2. Part 2:

    Damn, Oz. You're really hanging on there...and I've spoken too soon.

    Should have save-stated, Oz.

    Double Knights in White Satin. Reference that!

    Would TestZero like a hug? Geez.

    Run, Oz, Run!

    Nice jump over that skeleton thing, Oz.

    Kill the table before moving, Oz. You can only fall for that so many times.

    Ozzie kills the dancing ghosts! Huzzah!

    Exploding stairs are such a pain.

    Lot of hatred going on tonight.

    Don't lose the cross this time, Oz.

    HA!!! Nice drop, Oz.

    You're really not using the states, Oz. Is that wise?

    You password advanced, Johnny. You can't use that as an excuse.

    Think Dracula has enough money there? Does he even pay those monsters?

    And the knight goes down on the first try. Nice work, Oz.

    Almost an hour and a half, Oz.

    And another $1.50 goes into TestZero's swear jar.

    Anger Management. I hated that movie like you wouldn't believe.

    I don't know. Dead Pixel is a lot of fun.

    I've got quite a few RPGs off the indie list but I haven't played them yet.

    Your 25 deaths achievement was long after theirs. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Badass, Oz.

    Gears of Isaac.

    What is that sound?

    It DOES sound like someone's loading a gun. I was about to guess going through their chance.

    Do not look for the checkpoint, Isaac. That is impossible. Only then can you realize the truth. There is no checkpoint.

    Teleporting mummies. What will they think of next?

    Isaac's losing his mind.

    See what? What was that?

    I can see Johnny isn't going to be allowed to pick the game for a long, long time after this.

    The problem is you don't move when you get on the stairs, Isaac.

    Weird little interlude.

    Wow. TestZero is caught up after falling so far behind.

    Huh. Slogra doesn't look so hard.


    Ah, the Dracula room. Always familiar.

    I love how hitting Dracula makes him pixel out like he's a flasher.

    Dracula Phase 2 sounds like some kind of avante-garde indie film.

    What are those orbs Simon's grabbing supposed to be?

    Ozzie's last again.